I am not sure if I have lost my readership. I first took a very long hiatus, then had to go into treatment when I went off my medication again.
Since then, I’ve published my poetry book, and the owner of a new bookstore in Old Town Salinas has told me she’ll put my poetry books and children’s books in her store on consignment. She said also that she might like if I do a poetry reading on her grand opening.
I’m soon going to be finishing publication of a poetry book entitled Dandelion Wings, Daisies and Daffodils: The World of Wilma. I’m doing it on Create Space like I did the children’s books, and I hope to have them available at a local art show. I also hope to sell some at some point. I have not actively marketed the first one, and I am trying to think of ways to do it. I had been talking to a local shop. I know they are opening a bigger used book store and might have room for a local author on consignment. When they open, I might ask there.
That’s about all.
We may not all have tails (‘cept tail bone injuries are super painful, and I should know — having fallen at the playground when I was about nine and jumped at the tot lot next to the community center swimming pool in the Valley).
Even though tails ain’t the rage of our species, it’s the tale of our struggles with achieving success, wisdom, and gainful endeavors that makes our time on earth so fruitful and full of abundance, or so I like to tell myself when it’s troubling and I wind up falling on my face and seemingly landing in a pile of you-know-what as a result of my stubborn pride.
This is all in reference to my resistance to medication up until recently. I had another trip to the crisis house, from which I returned about a month ago. My husband and I had a falling out and stopped visiting with each other, and I was feeling about two feet tall at times and then believing I had god-like powers at others. Such are the ups and the downs of my sickness.
I’m on target in terms of equilibrium, and I’m managing to do as my old therapist, Jane Morris, recommended: do something for myself that isn’t a pill. It’s a lighthearted double meaning, which is okay in my book.
I’m trying to start sharing my poetry, creative prose, and maybe in the future, some images with the world. Stay tuned.
…this is mine. What’s yours?
We all have a role to play in our own health. This is different for each of us. Our relationship with our health providers may be one aspect. Our relationship with ourselves is another. I can choose to create myself time and time again, or I can make lasting changes. However, it’s important to remember that harmony is important in a transition, and it can affect people around you.
Someone once told me, “Take what you want in life and pay for it.” They did not mean literally with money. This is a clue: Health is not found in a medicine jar although medicine is important. Health is your relationship with what you need to feel optimal. This is different for each of us, and it is not easy for everyone to see what is needed in their own lives. There are many cliches to this effect, but they are tedious.
What works for me, may not work for you. However, the principles that govern health are the same for everyone. We need clean water, fresh air, nourishing food that fits our own requirements for health (and emotional needs as well), we need healthy relationships, a breath of fresh air, and the ability to do exercises, walk outside and to know we are alive….. through our breath, our ability to thrive. It is of course, not at the expense of others.
My personal belief is that a measure of caring for others helps some people to feel connected, but somehow, it has to work into their lives in a balanced way.
Maybe it’s the Sagittarius, the hunter, the archer or the explorer in me. Maybe I crave adventure because I have not seen much. Maybe I’m… all that people say about me, but maybe I’m not. And, perhaps… you know, perhaps, it’ll just blow over someday, and later on, little David will walk into my house, […]
“I found out a long time ago what ___ will do to your soul. Oh, but she can love you anywhay…. you already know how to go. ‘Cause I got a peaceful, easy feeling. And I know you won’t let me down. ‘Cause I’m al_ready standin’. I’m already standin’. On the ground.”
I’m sitting in bed. I can barely stand now….. It’s something to work upon. The ground.
I drew this picture at one point in time. I was in the art garage at the transitional housing where I first began learning how to create my boundaries within myself and with others around me. The program itself is not what gave me my tools. For those struggling with life’s issues (and we all do), no one can give you the answers or give you a magic formula to erase your own mess. This does not mean that there is no possibility for resolution. Perhaps rather than form our self-concepts or self value based on others’ desires about us, we could form these based on our own needs and wishes, non-judgmentally, and then say to ourselves, it’s okay. I’m not inherently flawed as a person. I think this can be a great challenge if you are consistently struggling with an issue that weighs heavily upon you, like a disability or a difference that seems to generate a lot of stigma. One thing I’ve learned to overcome my reaction is to say to myself, other people’s reactions are their own reactions. That is their problem. If I have enough problems of my own, why do I need to add to them by taking on another person’s opinion of my situation? Clearly, they do not know me as well as I know myself. I also do not know their life as well as I would hope they do. Maybe the idea of standing next to people, not leading, not following, just accepting as equals … Or at least honoring others’ perspective, acknowledging there is value in what they have to say or deciding your own course based on the information they have shared with you. After all, it’s not their journey. It’s your life. They are not going to have to live with your decisions about what you do; you are.
Apparently, in someone’s life, for example, mine, sometimes there are folks who feel the need to set standards for others. I understand this is important in certain contexts: academic, career/job-related requirements, expectations with regards to personal relationships, maybe also the expectations of authority figures that we may feel are important enough to place value in such a way that they may shape our very self-worth. Is this true? I think so, at least in my case.
I tried to craft an e-mail to my former teaching credential adviser. I started to ramble. Also, the nature of the information I found myself sharing was utterly personal, never mind the fact that I did not know how to even face my own feelings in this regard and how they may or may not have impacted my feelings about myself.
The only other framework worth mentioning in this context is that of intimate relationships. In my own experience and I’ll wager in others’, it seems very likely to place some kind of self-judgment in response to events that occur to include the response of our partner and the overall success of the relationship as a whole.
Why? Why do we, I or why does anyone else, for that matter, why does anyone regard another’s opinion as a measurement of our own self worth?
The definition of self esteem as I’ve come to learn through personal strife as well as academic circles has to do with internalized self worth that is not dependent on another’s judgment. In fact, the root of the assumption that one has what would be considered supposedly “good self esteem” is that in having this self esteem we are somehow as if made of rubber. The negative opinions of others do not invade our sense of entitlement to respect and ultimately our worth as individuals.
Perhaps I am pondering this in a broad sense as an overall construct, but I’m also breaking it down for myself. I’m questioning, why is it such a barrier? Why do I feel like others’ opinions of me can in any way define my quality as a person and my effectiveness as an individual? I know they cannot.
I practice affirmations at times, yet sometimes I have trouble writing some of them. Affirmations are generally speaking positive statements about oneself that someone might say out loud every day or read to themselves or use in some other way to engender feelings of self esteem.
A simple one is this: My self worth is inherent. I define myself in my own terms, and I am unique. Nobody else has the power to judge me or to change my ability to take care of myself. I am powerful beyond measure if I allow, or I am quiet to the point if whisper if I choose. It is my choice, and I live my life in the best way I know, by my own standards, and I live by my own conscience. I don’t have to be perfect by others’ standards to be everything I need to be.