Temperatures are starting to drop. Although here in the central coast of California, we experience moderate weather and an Indian summer for a couple months, we do have cooler weather as it approaches the holiday season. It really never snows (hardly ever, and when it does, it makes headlines), but it does rain, and it does hail, and even sometimes there are floods. Once when I was 11, I was stuck and could not get home because a flood had gone higher than the bridge that I normally had to cross to get to our house in Carmel Valley. Luckily, in those days (long before people, kids even, had cell phones), I carried an address book in my backpack and called a friend who lived in the village. I stayed with them for the night. The rain stopped by the next day and the flood subsided at the bridge level although there was lots of mud all over the streets. My parents walked up to get me from my friends’ house. We went to the health food store that was in the village back then (no longer exists), then we went home. I am pretty sure there was no power at our house.
Over the weekend, my husband stayed with me. He took me to dinner at Chevy’s Fresh Mex on Saturday. We watched two movies. He may be wiser than me possibly because he always goes to bed early and gets up at the butt crack o’ dawn (as my old friend used to say). No amount of caffeine usually keeps him up past 9:00pm. As for myself, I vary in my sleeping habits. I am neither a night owl nor an early bird 100% of the time. I change up a lot. Lately, I am a night owl. Still, occasionally, I will get up at the reasonable hour of 8:30am. If my husband gets up at that time, he calls that “sleeping in”. If I had to call myself anything, I would call myself a night owl, I suppose, because I prefer staying in bed and having the luxury of being awake until the wee hours. I do not always get this, but such is life.
On Saturday, I submitted my book to the publisher CreateSpace. I already blogged this one. I am excited. Chris keeps saying it will not sell. Negative energy is not encouraging. I wish he would appreciate what I am trying to do. That is all. He thinks I should get a menial job somewhere. He also does not see the value in my education which I worked so hard to achieve. I plan to increase my education, but he does not value it. I have to live for myself on that one. I have to do what is right for myself. It’s a simplistic statement to make, but it is true. I have to make decisions for myself, even when some people in my life are critical. He acts like he is helping by criticizing, but I don’t feel it is a constructive form of criticism. He would not like it if I said things like this about him. He is very sensitive to criticism about himself, yet he does not think twice about debasing me. It is wrong.
My husband’s and my relationship is very uneven at times. We can go from being so mad at each other to being very affectionate in under ten minutes. I wouldn’t call it a love/hate relationship necessarily because I really don’t condone the term, but it has the flavor of a very passionate yet confused bit of romance. That’s about all I can say. We never really get to the point of hating one another. For now, it is probably best that we have our own space. It helps keep things calm. I pray someday we can live together peaceably. Yet being apart is better than being together and fighting every day. That’s the truth. I love my husband, dearly, but we need to be patient with each other and learn to be giving and reciprocating in the way we relate to one another. I feel we have a long way to go yet. It’s a learning process. It will take time, persistence, and as I said, patience.