Hello, my name is Wilma, and this is my world. It’s full of ups and downs partly because of mood changes and partly because I’ve come to know that is just how it goes in the grand scheme of things.
I have a little boy named David, and he is a super baby. He was born April 24, 2010. Unfortunately, his dad and me couldn’t stop arguing and had to separate, and that caused stress in me enough that I ended up going back to the hospital. Also, I was triggered by memories of my father on his birthday (April 5th) and an argument with my mother-in-law about genetic testing for David. I was so distraught that I wound up in the hospital and in crisis house. David went to his grandmother’s house for a while, but she didn’t feel she could take care of him, so they gave him to foster care. The family is very nice, but we would like someday to get him back or at least be in his life to the greatest extent possible. We still love him and would do just about anything for him.
David’s daddy Christopher and me have been in counseling and trying to hash things out. He lives in a supportive housing program. I live on my own.
I struggle with (unsuccessfully) managing my weight and try to attend groups whenever I can both at Salinas behavioral health and Omni Resource Center.
I have a few friends, my mother who has multiple sclerosis, my splintered family, and my not-so-immediate family who live all over the continental U.S. of A.
I graduated from the University of California at Santa Cruz in winter of 2005 with a bachelors in psychology and want someday probably to be either a counselor or a teacher of some type. I’m not ready yet to figure out what I want. I have a social worker who recommends waiting through all the chaos with the courts and David as it is going on right now. She recommends keeping things simple as I complete their requirements. It’s hard to put my other interests on hold, but it’s what I have to do.
September 2, 2011
As of now, Chris has terminated visits with David at the Quadrangle where we had both been going to Family and Children’s Services. Now, only I go to the visits. I enjoy them as always, but I will always wish Chris had wanted to have a relationship with his son. Chris earlier had stopped wanting to have counseling with me. Maybe this is just what he has to do now. This is him, and I have to accept it even if it is not what I would prefer he did. We cannot control people. I would not want him controlling me, and I cannot control my husband. Tyler, one of the foster parents, says maybe it is a good thing that I can now move on. He said for that reason it may be good that I now know what Chris wants to do. So here we go, right? This is the beginning of a new chapter, and right now it’s all about my son and me. Maybe I can find something else, like art to work on. Maybe I can pursue some other interests in time. Right now, the top priority is my son. Along with that, in order to maintain a relationship with my son, I must keep my health in top shape. That is all for now. This is just an update.
September 15, 2011
As of yesterday, the court ruling is not to have a reunification with David. The plan is for him to be adopted by the foster family and move with them when they have to move next year for the adoptive father’s job in the Navy. There will be a Facebook page, private, to keep track of how David is doing. It will not be the same, but I am learning to get used to the idea.
October 6, 2011
Chris and I are on speaking terms. In January, we go back to court for the ruling about the social workers’ recommendations that David be adopted by the people who have acted as foster parents for the past few months. I am very happy they are so good to him. They send pictures (some of which are in a post on here). They want to continue visits although they will be decreased until they move probably sometime next August to either Rhode Island or Virginia. The adoptive father is in the Navy and they have a house in Virginia. The adoptive mother said if they move to Virginia, they will stop moving around. There is also the possibility that I will see him at different times because the adoptive parents have family in this area. I hope as well that someday David will choose to seek his father and I out of his own accord.
Meanwhile, I’m working on a book, a children’s book with the story Bears of the Wood that is in the “Stories” section of this blog. I hope to get it published by next year. Chris also said he would sell me and show me how to use his digital camera. I was planning to make some photography books and try to publish them. They would be a book each devoted to the different areas of the Monterey bay area, then books devoted to different cities in the Bay Area and maybe other parts of California. Maybe I could also have different books devoted to particular features, such as nature photos of the Monterey bay area, city photos, beach photos, etc. These are just a couple of the ideas I have had swimming around in my head.
I have also been volunteering a little at Omni Resource Center, a drop-in center for people with mental health issues. I hope one day to get a paid position with them. I also hope to get my driver’s license even if I don’t actually get a car right away. I am working on everything, slowly but surely. As many people tell me, it’s a matter of baby steps, one foot at a time.
January 19, 2012
Termination of parental rights occured last week. I am learning to accept, and it is a process. My husband and I spend every weekend, usually starting Wednesday or more likely on Thursday and lasting until Sunday (unless there is a holiday and he does not have to work on Monday, which is only on big holidays). There are issues to work through, and we are starting to have better communication. There still needs to be more resolution to some ugliness that occurred in our relationship last year, and that has to happen before any change to our living arrangement (or his) can be made. I try to relax about it, have been talking about healthy boundaries with those who are paid to help me, and I’m focusing on a lot of self improvement such as healthy lifestyle, stress management, working with supportive employment, writing to alleviate feelings of inadequacy or tension as well as to inform and share ideas.