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Tag Archives: Chris

Fracturization (As the Crutches Turn)

MetroPCS billboard, $40 Unlimited talk, text, web.

MetroPCS billboard, $40 Unlimited talk, text, web. (Photo credit: JC0598)

365 Day 69 Genetic Testing

365 Day 69 Genetic Testing (Photo credit: lornagrl) - Someone's hand after genetic testing

I have a good friend who is a deacon at a church called Bethel Missionary Baptist Church.  He kind of acts in a fatherly capacity and has ever since I started to have my life more intertwined with county mental health treatment.  I first started to talk to him before my life became controlled by the courts (conservatorship).  He continued to be a grounding source of wisdom during the time when I was institutionalized, later when I was at a board and care facility, and finally when I came back to the Monterey area to begin with the transitional housing community at which I met my husband almost five years ago.  He has stayed the course as a true friend, offering advice, frequent kind gestures, and support in general.  He helped me yesterday when I had to go to the orthopedic doctor to get my ankle examined and a wrap to stabilize it.

He also tried to take me grocery shopping, but I did not have my ID to make the check.  My credit union was not open.  I needed to activate my new card, but I could not that day.  As a result, I have not been able to pay my Metro PCS pre-paid phone bill.  I have to activate the card in person.  I e-mailed my friend, but he does not always check his e-mail.  I also e-mailed another friend who is wife of the minister at the church where I personally would attend.  Frustration.

My husband said he would come over this week and help me do some things, help me to get some food, maybe with showering (you know, hand me the towel, maybe help pull me out of the bathtub since I don’t have a seat for the shower, clean up).  He might not be able to come tomorrow because his mother is insistent that we get this genetic test for David.  I told my husband to tell her that I currently can’t afford it.  I am trying to get insurance to cover the test.  He told me she was upset at me for not being able to pay for it.  I tried to call the hospital before my phone was disconnected.  I left a message.  I was going to find out precisely how much the test costs and if they think the insurance I am currently applying for would cover that.  I can’t call now except using an online phone.  I’ve used Gmail, but I don’t know if it does long distance calls.  San Francisco is long distance to me.

Tired of frustration and stress, people not being understanding, tired I really am.  I told my mother that I think my mother-in-law does not really care one way or the other if I am well.  She (my mother) pointed out how Patricia (mother-in-law) sure enjoyed being around David.  I answered that she may enjoy that, but she really doesn’t seem to care at all about my interests.  Honestly, inside, I feel she wouldn’t care if I fell off this great Earth.  I’m sure that’s a terrible thing to say, but I get that impression.  I stayed with her for a couple months while my husband was going through some troubles, and she wasn’t very understanding when I was depressed while my marriage was in trouble and I had to stay away from my own home with the baby.  She didn’t seem very compassionate.  She wouldn’t even drive me to the doctor, only stay with the baby.  It seemed as if my own needs always came last.  I’m not sure if that is the way most in-laws are.  I don’t know, not having much experience.  I don’t know if I’m perceiving things differently.  I’m no expert, but I can only say how I feel.

I don’t know how long I have to just stay home while I wait for my ankle to be somewhat better.  I don’t know what the indication would be that I could do things on my own.  The doctor gave a six to eight week projected recovery period.  That timeline falls outside the anticipated date for my son’s birthday party.  I’m sure I could ask in three weeks when I go to see the orthopedic again.

Good grief, Charlie Brown.



Letter I wrote to a Rabbi at a Local Temple

I have often wondered about Jewish traditions since my mother’s side is Jewish although by an interesting turn of events her parents decided to join the Unitarian Universalist community when my mother was young. My grandmother felt she had a religious experience that led her to explore other ways, and my grandfather was staunchly atheist. This created a mixture of beliefs, but I still think of our family as having “Jewish roots.” The only part of our family that still practices the traditions is my aunt’s family in Oregon and my mother’s cousin in the Bay Area. I have little knowledge personally although I have attended Congregation Beth Israel in Carmel Valley in the past.

In addition to my spiritual journey or maybe as a part of, my husband and I as well as our family at large are undergoing a transition whereby our first and only child — our son, David, nearly two years old — is in a process of most likely being adopted by a family who were selected for us. We have had a long road, best not explained in writing. I am somewhat at a loss about how to go about accepting the change. I start to believe I have done so but then my mind gets to churning or someone suggests there might be options I haven’t thought of pursuing, and then I get wound up in that all over again. I guess I have not decided if there is any response appropriate or possible other than to simply allow this to happen. My nature would be not to allow it to happen. My inclination on the other hand is to do what is best for my son although I do not have proof that this cours of action actually is the best. I have only the word of some social workers and psychologists (things I can explain later), but I do not know in my heart that this is right for my son. I cannot see the future, and I cannot see how he is doing other than through word-of-mouth. I can only trust others, and this is hard for me like you wouldn’t imagine.

I have written a short children’s story that I am making available through Amazon and shortly through some local channels such as Steinbeck Center (perhaps), gallery/bookshops, Bookshop Santa Cruz, and whatever else.

My husband and I are simultaneously trying to make sense of our marriage since we had to separate due to instabiliy. We are always unsure what the best solution is and hesitant to make changes. We still have regular contact but we reside separately since he is in a special kind of housing. I would allow him to explain.

I have invited my husband to attend a service soon but would want to know how late the services usually go since we travel everywhere by bus. If there are other events we could know about or times when we could talke to the Rabbi, please make me aware of them.

Thank you.


Moving to a One Bedroom in the Same Complex Next Week, and Other Accomplishments

I had been looking around for one bedrooms, but when I asked my manager if I could move before my lease is up, they said I would be responsible for the rent until they found a new renter. That dashed my plans to move into a complex just a little ways away from here but still in the North Salinas realm. As a result, I talked with my friend, Jessica, who works in the office and had a baby girl at the same time I had a baby boy. It came up from a maintenance man who was listening to the conversation that there is, in fact, a rental available on the opposite side of my apartment complex, a one bedroom, downstairs unit. It rents for more than what I had been aiming for, but given my current situation, it’s the best I could come up with at the moment. The head manager said I could move in as soon as next week if I can get some money down to hold it by this coming Monday. So that’s a good thing, since I’m pretty sure I can do that.

Otherwise, I saw David today, and he can walk now! I was so proud! I’m a proud mommy! I love my baby, yay! And he’s doing really well, I’m so happy. Chris was really emotional yesterday about David and about the separation. I felt bad for him.

I’ve been volunteering at Omni Resource Center this week. I started on Thursday, but before that I had started co-facilitating groups already. With the new month, I hope to do the facilitation training. I’m going to ask about it. I want to turn this into a real job someday if I can.