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Two Pluses and One minus Equals One Plus, Which Puts Me Ahead of My Game


Rainbow over Monterey

Rainbow over Monterey (Photo credit: JamesMoberg)

English: The Monterey Institute of Internation...

Image via Wikipedia

Seal of the Monterey Institute of Internationa...

Image via Wikipedia - Monterey Institute of International Studies (MIIS)

I don’t really like that title, but I could think of none better.

Sometimes the old adage goes, “One step forward and two steps back.”  Sometimes not.

Last Friday, I lost my personal items on the bus.  I may have posted about this or I may not.  Either way, I lost the following in my purse which was beautiful and had a nice rainbow glitter design on the front with a zipper and was the kind that could be worn cross body style because it had a nice long strap.  It was dark blue, and I think I bought it while I was in my undergraduate years.  I lost the following:  One pink small-size eco-friendly moleskin (certain type of journal/writing book) made with 100% post-consumer materials — this said it would be recoverable only I didn’t have the foresight to actually register it at the website like they suggested, one wallet with two debit/credit cards (credit union and major bank), two or three checkbooks, a bunch of receipts, some cash, my set of keys (with apartment keys & mailbox keys), random lip balms, maybe some lotion, and I’m sure other stuff I’m not thinking about.

This week has been partially about backtracking.  My credit union knows me even though I only just started with them this year.  They were kind enough to allow me to withdraw cash although I do not have my ID (oh, yes, that must be one of the things I forgot to list!).  I had to get back to spare key I had given my husband to get in on his own.  He no longer can do so.  I’m waiting for my friend who works with the management of my apartment complex to call today so that I can get into my mailbox and get my mail to include my beginning-of-the-month check that I receive from a certain fund.  I will go over and remind her gently after lunch.  I may just hang out with her in the office for a while.  I’ve called the post office at both the distribution center and the regular post office where I would receive the keys.  I left a message, but I will have to call again after lunch as well.  I’ll hope I can go on Monday.  I’ve been so busy lately running around to other parts of town to visit my son on Tuesday, before that visit my husband, also go to see an Episcopal-Lutheran priest yesterday with him (although I am of neither denomination; I am Unitarian Universalist).  I haven’t even had time to go and volunteer this week.

I’m supposed to make a list of activities that I will be doing with the peer center in Monterey called Our Voices.  It’s another center run by peers mainly in Interim, Inc.  The link to that organization is provided, of course.  I haven’t done this yet, but I will today.

The other thing I did (bigger) is that I contacted Monterey Institute of International Studies online this morning and requested information about their program where a person can get a Bachelor of Arts in International Policy and a Master of Arts in another field within three years total (for both programs).  I decided I would find out about various language programs.  I’m interested probably in the Translation and Interpretation program although I started out looking into the programs where one would teach a foreign language or maybe English as a Second Language.  The admissions person said they would have a particular person talk to me about that all next week, someone who advises based on all the language-oriented programs.  This venture is really exciting to me because up until now, I was looking and looking and never had found a calling.  I’m approaching a resolution to the search that I’ve been having for about two years.  I will be proud to be on a road.

My husband and I talk of moving to Monterey or Marina, which is closer to the Peninsula where I live.  I’m in a more landlocked part of our area.  It’s somewhat safer on the peninsula and more pleasant overall.  The atmosphere is different, and it could be much more comfortable.

We’re going to be attending this Episcopal-Lutheran church every other week.  Christopher did not like the idea of every week.  I guess he feels he needs some Sundays to stay at home or relax.  I recommended that we could still be in touch with the reverend regardless.

I would love to live in the part of Monterey near the Monterey Institute of International Studies (MIIS).  It’s the downtown area where there is close access to all kinds of shops, activities, some friends who live near there, and there is Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods both close by.  Plus, this would be closer to both of our respective mothers.  It would make life much simpler and more peaceful, I believe.

Christopher has started to volunteer with a non-profit organization called Loaves, Fishes, and Computers.  Their mission primarily is to sell refurbished computer systems at a very low cost to create a greater access to these resources.  It’s great experience, and I’m impressed with him for doing this because he has never really volunteered before.  He has always wanted to get into a job with computers (currently is a landscaper for Interim, but he wants to expand away from this to his greater interest in computers and technology).  He does not have formal training but is very knowledgeable with figuring things out and is very personable when he is relaxed.  When he’s experiencing anxiety, he can be contentious, but more of the time he is fine.

I see if we take things easy, allow the time of transition to pass and look forward to the days when, as the priest says, our son can make a choice about having a relationship with us in future years, focus on the present without looking backward to create depression or too much into the future to create anxiety…. If this all can be achieved, then we will be on a healing and wonderful path.  This is my goal, my prayer, and it is my wish.

Wilma the Conqueror: Winning the Battle of the Bulge


This title might be preemptive.  I have not yet lost more than about 15 pounds.  Still, I am going to lose over a hundred pounds, no matter how long it takes me, preferably within a year.  If it takes me longer, I will keep going.  I will pursue my objective and I will not give up.  This is not just about a number on the scale; far from it.  This is about my self respect as a human being, as a mother, as a wife, as an individual, as an American, as a lover of possibilities, and mostly just as Wilma, I, me, myself.

 

I have hemmed and hawed and pretended to care and pretended to try and made promises to myself and pretended again, and the reason I saw no results was that I was pretending and lying to myself.  I didn’t want to really lose weight; I just wanted to tell everyone I did.  I wanted to pretend that I loved myself when inside I was filled with self-loathing.  It’s a hard thing to admit and talk about in public, so I kept the feelings quiet and dormant, then just pretended to be health conscious and went about my merry business shoveling my face full of French fries and ice cream.

 

Oh, I was in denial of the worst sort.  I was in denial that I had a problem.  It was a thin denial, translucent, because on the other side, I was sure that everyone could see that I really wanted to be healthy.  I just didn’t see the need to try.  I would try for a week or two then give up.  I’d eat something I knew wasn’t helping me, and the whole thing would be over.  I’d gain more weight and be back to business as usual, vegetarian but fat, and not healthy, not caring about myself, and not succeeding at the business of caring for others either (which I thought I was doing rather well).

 

Fast forward to “The Now” as they call it and you’ll see someone who really understands that you cannot care for others until you take sufficient care of yourself.  It’s a lesson I had to learn time and time again.  I’ve stated it in another entry of this blog.  It’s an important point, though.  To be a caring person, to care for anyone, truly, one must care for oneself.  This is what was lacking in my past.  This is what I’m putting into practice In the Now.

 

 

Apartment Hunting, Volunteering and Goals


I started looking on to find a one bedroom apartment. I favor South Salinas for a change of scenery. I found a couple for as low as $600 or $620. The one for $600 actually has a washer and dryer in the unit, a luxury to which I’ve grown very accustomed. I don’t want to get backlogged laundry.

Thursday I start volunteering. I’m going to go to the gym and Omni tomorrow. I’m going to try making a goal of going to the gym three to five days a week. I have already had this goal actually, just have not done it in too long. I need to get back to it. Tomorrow’s the day.

I also have been meditating and doing crunches and pushups in my bed every morning and night. It’s a good practice. I have to also start having some tea. I think I’ll do that tonight.

My good friend Tiffany-Lynn Cotta works at Omni Resource Center and is in Hawaii with her dad right now. She said when she gets back, she will help me make a WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan). I’m also going to ask for more days volunteering at Omni. I’m really, really hoping it leads to paid hours. I’m hurting financially, and that is part of the reason I’m looking at moving to lower cost of living situation. I’m just not sure I can make it much longer this way.

My goals, as I posted on Facebook, are to lose the weight I’ve accumulated over the years, especially the large amounts from meds and from baby weight. I’m working on it. After losing weight, I’d like to look seriously into the Master of Science in Nutrition and Clinical Health Psychology. Later on, maybe I could look into getting an additional degree in Ayurveda although I’m not that well-versed. I’d like to learn about it.

I’ve ordered lots of vegan meal replacement, so I’m going to use that to make my efforts a little more easy. I’ll just mix it with light plain soy milk or whatever the recommendation is. I think soy milk should be fine. I ordered three different flavors for variety.