Some Things Just Are Not Important

Sometimes my husband and I quarrel over the silliest trifles.  Gameboys, brunches, bread, dinners, and these become names, and the names become volcanoes of venom that would probably end it all if we weren’t the small amount of careful that we are.  We walk a fine line between love and hate.  But we never hate each other.  We always love each other, but maybe it’s what we define as being love that changes our perception of one another.

This goes back to something the minister’s wife told me, recommended to me at one point: A group, kind of therapy but in someone’s private house, kind of a workshop, involving restructuring one’s expectations including what we want versus what is necessary.

For example, I might think it is necessary in my definition of love that my husband leaves here every time he goes away with a kiss and a very long goodbye.  I might think it necessary that he does little things for me around the house.  I might think it also necessary that when we get home from a day together that he would want to spend even more time together.  But no, maybe he just wants to spend his time with his Gameboy, and that’s all right.  He can do that.  I need to respect that.  There’s nothing wrong with him playing a game and me writing or working or watching a movie or reading.  Neither is better.  I don’t need to judge our time together.

I don’t need to be so dramatic.  Drama sucks, and I need to be mindful of its effect on people.  I have a tendency to be melodramatic even if I don’t admit it.  That can affect our relationship.  It can make it harder for me to accept situations in our lives.

Simple.  One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to be more simple.  I think I’m going to take some time out after doing chores today and working out to write some more about my resolutions.  Also, I’ll let my thoughts out about my son.  I can’t bottle them up, but I don’t need to talk about them every waking moment with Chris.  Balance.

Christopher keeps saying I don’t love him, and asks if we should Sign Divorce Papers

Just as I was reading another blog here on WordPress (not surprisingly, a blog where people are following it and commenting, unlike my own: Comment, please!), Chris was in my living room watching a movie and he calls across the apartment saying, “You don’t love me, do you?” He was saying this yesterday, too, as we went to bed. He was being a sulky brat, in my opinion. He doesn’t need to do that. It’s confusing.

It’s confusing because at one minute he says he is moving on, the next he says he wants to be friends, yet another time he’ll say he wants to try to work on the relationship and another time yet again he asks whether we should work on divorce papers ourselves. It’s like he’s sending mixed messages, which he doesn’t even own up to doing.

Chris and I have different ideas about relationships, and I don’t know why that is. He says he doesn’t agree that relationships/marriage is work. He thinks work is painful. Should I take it that he doesn’t take the relationships seriously, then? He doesn’t take communication seriously, either, in the relationship. Should I take it that it’s not possible to have a marriage with someone who doesn’t understand what is important to me in one? Maybe he’s not cut out to be married. Maybe I’m asking too much. Maybe I’m being a pushover trying again.